19 Jun Married Men and Lust
When a married man says, “I love my wife even though I Lust after every pretty girl that I see,” is lying to himself, what he’s really saying is his heart goes out to his poor wife while his flesh goes out to every pretty girl. The husband is essentially split in half: he’s not a whole person, he is not wholehearted towards either of them. He isn’t really loving either of them, that’s not love. And this is where Jesus was most clear about real love. There’s a maturity there that does not see in part but loves in full. It leaves the childish ways of playing with toys that you leave on the floor; while yelling at your parents demanding more toys still yet. He is the immature child that has a toy in hand but screams and throws a temper tantrum wanting the toy another child has, he either appreciates or loves neither of them. Love sees sincerely, without hypocrisy, love seeks after the good of the other, it is single-minded.
Love cannot exist in a lie, saying you’re in love with one while desiring, lusting after another is a lie. Love is bound in truth, and in such it is fully alive.
In Greek there are five types of love, they are found in the bible. One being Eros (???? ér?s) is passionate love, physical or sensual desire and longing. i.e. Lust. Another is Agape (???? agápe) which means “supreme love, an ‘unconditional love” as in “I love you” i.e. In love with, the highest form of love.
I believe that too many men sadly and mistakenly marry someone for Eros, out of pure lust for them, not because they are In Love with them, and therefore they lust after others, because their heart is not in the marriage. They are not In Love with their mate, only in lust with them and lust is never faithful, it covets without end. So it will continually seek what it does not have, seeks fulfillment, it’s never satisfied. It wants only what it does not have. But no one who marries someone because they Agape them, are In love with them, will lust after another, they will not because the one has their whole heart. They are satisfied, fulfilled, their heart has what it wants.
I have married guys who lust after other women tell me I do not understand because I not married, which is nonsense. you don’t have to be married to know that is wrong, not normal. And I have been in many long term relationships and I never once lusted after another woman while in a committed love (Agape) relationship. I was engaged once and I never even as much as noticed another girl. Why would I, I was in love (Agape) with her, she had my whole heart, she was the only girl I wanted, I was in love with her. She meets my every need, she lacked nothing that I wanted or needed in a woman. No other woman could have offered me anything, I was deeply in love with Joan, as the song by Art Garfunkel goes, “I Only Have Eyes For You”, and I did only had eyes for her. My eyes, my heart, my mind desired her alone and none other. That is at the heart of being In Love with someone, you only want them. That’s how you know they are The One, The Only one you want to spend your life with, and so it was with Joan. I never, ever betrayed Joan even once, not even with my eyes.
So I am speaking from experience, I believe based on my life experience, as well as other married men whom I have known that were in love with their wives that it is imposable to truly be in love with one woman and lust after every skirt that walks by.
I will leave you with the lyrics to “I Only Have Eyes For You”
My love must be a kind of blind love.
I can’t see anyone but you.
Are the stars out tonight?
I don’t know if it’s cloudy or bright.
I only have eyes for you, dear.
The moon may be high,
But I can’t see a thing in the sky.
‘Cause I only have eyes for you.
I don’t know if we’re in a garden
Or on a crowded avenue.
You are here, so am I.
Maybe millions of people go by.
But they all disappear from view.
And I only have eyes for you.